went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
