u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize