I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
