I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
