Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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