Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
