I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize