my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
