As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
