I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
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Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
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Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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