i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
