is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
