Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
