I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
home. puking in laundry basket.
We need to rekindle our bromance
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
