how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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