If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
