i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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