The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
