no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
