Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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