Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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