when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
