And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
