Betty ford says i'm here all night
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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