You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
