Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
