for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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