Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
