I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
