@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
