I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize