Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
