You don't have asthma, your pregnant
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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