i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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