im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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