The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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