so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You left your phone here
Wait...
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