Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
