proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
