Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
