I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
