you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
