I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
