my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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