Acid is not a monday night drug
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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