I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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