do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
