Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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