the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
