i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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