friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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