There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
