I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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