ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
