My Higher Power is John Stamos
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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