totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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