Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
