I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just tell him i said nine months
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
